Are you a Super Woman?

I often hear people talking about “Super Women” who can ‘do it all’ - but what about the rest of us who can’t do it all?

Every day I see women giving themselves a hard time for not living up to the Super Woman ideal. This International Women’s Day #IWD2017, it’s time that we embrace the idea that being a Super Woman doesn’t have to mean doing it all. In fact – how about defining a “Super Woman” as someone who does what she can, with what she has, and supports other women to be their own kind of Super Woman?

When I think of Super Women in my life, they come in many forms. Just a few include:

• the colleague who juggles work and children, and still finds time to mentor and encourage others
• the young assistant who has decided to go back to University to study law while still working fulltime
• the family member who had her first child in her early 20’s, her fourth child in her early 40’s, went through 2 separations and then got her degree and dream job
• the client who, in the middle of an ugly divorce, came up with a genius way of getting her daughter to give up her dummy
• the friend who spent many of her single years caring for her mother and grandfather
• the single mother that works full time, cares for her son, and also manages to volunteer at his school and coach his sporting team – all while having fabulous lashes!
• the junior lawyer who gave up her free time on Australia Day to go the extra mile for a client
• the fellow professional who has a little one, and one on the way, and still manages to look like she’s just walked off a movie set
• the many women I know who have struggled with depression, and still manage to get out of bed most days

And then there is me – I’m a 34 year old lawyer, working in family law in Canberra. I am also a Director of the firm that I’ve been with since I started my career. I have a partner, pets and a house, but no kids. I don’t have a lot of the other stresses that some women have. By the usual definition, I can’t be a Super Woman because I don’t have kids and don’t do it all. But I think sometimes I am a Super Woman. We all are.

Some weeks, I’ve worked multiple 12 hour + days, pre-cooked meals for the week, babysat for friends, taken care of my multiple animals, worked on my client’s cases at 3am, painted the fence, remembered to call my mother, done the dishes, taken some ‘me’ time and just generally been awesome.

Other weeks, I’ve been impressed to get through the day without a run in my stockings.

Hey, I’m human. I can’t always be a Super Woman. No one can.

So maybe it’s time women gave each other, and more importantly ourselves, a break.

While writing this, I heard Emma Watson on the news say “Feminism is not a stick to beat other women with.” Very true. It’s also not a stick to beat ourselves with.

So give yourself a break and acknowledge the great things you do.

You ARE a Super Woman.

Originally published as "Super Women ?" at http://www.fgd.com.au/super-women/

Digital Divorce

More than ever before, technology is being used as evidence in Family Law proceedings. When I first started practice, evidence was occasionally provided in the form of damning letters, emails or text messages. Nowadays, it is much more common and comes in so many more forms: Facebook, Messenger, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, Blogs, WhatsApp… and I’m sure many more that I’ve never even heard of! 

Things to avoid on social media if you have separated (or are likely to in the future):

   

Assuming it is private – Just because you aren’t connected with your ex on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat etc, and/or have high security settings, don’t assume they won’t see what you’ve posted. These things have a way of getting back to your ex (and to the Court). You should assume that anything you post, can and will be used against you in a dispute.

Over sharing – I know you might be angry with your ex, and need a place to vent, but social media is not the place to do it, particularly if you have kids. This includes commenting on other people’s posts, posting in groups, posting inappropriate photos, sending private messages, etc. If you are about to post something that could offend your ex in any way or be used against you: just don’t! Before you hit the button, think to yourself, “What would the Judge think if they were seeing this?” Because chances are, if you end up in Court, that is exactly who will be reading your posts (along with the lawyers, your ex, the child experts etc).

‘Liking’ – Just because you didn’t originally write that post, say that quote or create that meme, doesn’t mean it can’t be used against you. True, you may not have written the words “my ex is a deadbeat ” (for example) but if you just shared someone else’s post or tweet that says exactly that, or hit “like” on someone’s post, tweet or picture that says the same, you may as well have said it yourself.

Drunk dialing – had a glass of wine and think it would be a great time to tell your ex what you really think of them? Trust me, it’s not. Texting and emailing are just as bad (if not worse).

#TMI – Sometimes posting on social media is not only unwise, but it could be a criminal offense. Under section 121 of the Family Law Act, if you publish an account or part of proceedings that identifies parties to a dispute, or a witness, you may be found guilty of an offense, with the possibility of imprisonment. My recommendation – if you are involved in a family law matter that is in Court, do not post ANYTHING about the case or the people involved.

The golden rule: If you don’t have anything nice to say, DON’T: say, write, post, like, comment, tweet or share it! Get a digital divorce.
Have you posted something you shouldn’t have?

Shared from the Farrar Gesini Dunn Blog - originally posted at: http://www.fgd.com.au/blog/digital-divorce/
Contact Farrar Gesini Dunn for an appointment with one of our solicitors to discuss how we can help you. By Kasey Fox Lawyer

Things to avoid on social media

Divorce - Fact V's Fiction

When it comes to Family Law and Divorce, there is a lot of misinformation about what the law says and how it applies to married, de facto and same sex couples couples in Canberra and in Australia.

Below is a brief cheat sheet that I have prepared that covers some of the common misconceptions in this area:

 

If you are going through a separation, you need expert family law advice particular to your circumstances from a family lawyer.

Give me a call in our Canberra office at Farrar Gesini Dunn on 02 6257 6477 or send me an email k.fox@fgd.com.au

 

Are prenups binding in Australia?

 Something I commonly hear when talking to non family lawyers is: “I’d like my clients to protect their assets from divorce, but prenups aren’t binding in Australia…”

Well actually, they are!

Prenups (or as we know them: ‘Binding Financial Agreements’ – BFA’s for short) ARE legally binding (provided they are done properly). BFA’s can be entered into by married couples, de facto couples and same sex couples.

And they are not as uncommon as you might think. With such a high rate of separation and divorce in Australia, many people who have already been through a divorce and property settlement are keen to avoid going through ‘the system’ all over again in their next relationship. BFA’s give them an option to agree with their new partner what will happen if they do separate in the future. This means they have the conversation about what each of them thinks is ‘fair’ at the start of the relationship, rather than at the end, when they are less likely to see eye to eye.

BFA’s are also a popular choice if one person expects to receive a large inheritance in the future, or a large gift from family members, and wants to protect that from a claim by their spouse in the event of separation. BFA’s can also cover things such as: property owned at the start of the relationship, superannuation, trusts, companies, spousal maintenance and even lottery wins.

Already married or in a de facto relationship? It’s not too late! BFA’s can also be entered into after the start of a de facto relationship or marriage.

Are BFA’s complicated and expensive? Yes, they can be, but for a BFA to be an effective protection for you, just like any contract, it needs to be very detailed. And compare that initial expenses against what you might have to pay if you end up in Court. Think of it as an insurance policy – you pay for it as protection ‘just in case’ and then hope you will never need to look at it again.

Prenups / BFA’s do not have to be the big scary romance killer that a lot of people think they are. It is all about having a conversation now (when things are good) about what each of you think would be appropriate if you do separate, and then having that agreement made binding.

Thinking about a BFA? You will each need independent advice from your own family lawyer.

Shared from the Farrar Gesini Dunn Blog - originally posted at: http://www.fgd.com.au/blog/are-prenups-binding-in-australia/ 

Contact Farrar Gesini Dunn for an appointment with one of our solicitors to discuss how we can help you.
By Kasey Fox Lawyer

Kasey Fox is a Family Lawyer at Farrar Gesini Dunn in our Canberra Office

New posts on the FGD Blog "Family Law News"

Leaving a relationship?
Thinking of separating?
Want to know what your options are?

Elisa Turco of our Melbourne office is hosting Free information sessions for people on separation. More info here: http://www.fgd.com.au/blog/free-separation-workshops/ 

Did you have an argument with your ex over who was to have the kids at Easter?

See recent post from one of our Canberra Lawyers on Family Law and holidays: http://www.fgd.com.au/blog/easter-holidays-family-law/

How to reduce your legal fees

Most lawyers charge primarily on a “time costing” basis.  This can mean that something as simple as calling your lawyer a few times when you forget to mention something in an earlier call can quickly increase your costs.

Here are some tips our firm, Farrar GesiniDunn Family & Collaborative Law, developed that may help you limit your fees and make your matter more cost effective:

• Rather than playing “telephone-tag” with your lawyer, ask their assistant to make a telephone appointment
• Prepare a list of questions to ask your lawyer before your meetings 
• Send  one  email  that  deals  with  a  number  of  issues rather  than  numerous  short  emails 
• Consider a  regular  telephone  appointment  once  a  week  with your solicitor  rather than multiple telephone calls during the week.
• If you only require minor changes to a proposed document, speak to the solicitor’s assistant instead of your solicitor.  
• When  documents  have  to  be  drafted,  provide  clear, concise  notes  on  the  topic  the  solicitor  has requested
• If documents from another source are required, discuss with your solicitor who will obtain the documents.  
• When providing documents to your solicitor try to bring in one bundle of documents rather than delivering one document at a time unless it is urgent.  
• If you provide your solicitor with a large bundle of documents, keep it mind that the more organised the documents are, the less time it will take (and less money it will cost) for your solicitor to review them 
•  Discuss  with  your  lawyer  the  option  of  copies  of  either  letters  being sent to you in bundles of three (if not urgent) 
• Ask your lawyer if they practice Collaborative Law, this process can be more cost effective than Court 
• Ask your lawyer if they offer fixed fees
  

At Farrar GesiniDunn Family & Collaborative Law, we invite our clients to choose how we charge. For Canberra Family Law matters, contact our Canberra office today. For all your Melbourne Family Law needs, contact our Melbourne office.

By Kasey Fox

Director

Farrar Gesini Dunn

To file or not to file...

So often as lawyers, we contemplate whether to take the next step in a matter and file at Court. It might be that we think the other party is hiding documents, or being unreasonable in negotiations or trying to intimidate our client by being overly demanding and aggressive in their correspondence. But is going to Family Court really the answer?

Family law is a difficult area for all involved. Is adding fuel to that fire really going to solve the problems?

Sometimes people go to Court thinking that it will hold all the answers, and that they will be vindicated. But unfortunately the system often leaves people feeling as if they spent a lot of time and money on a process that leaves them feeling unheard. 

Don't get me wrong - I'm a lawyer, and I spend a lot of my time in Court. It is challenging and therefore one of the most interesting parts of my job. But as I do more work in Collaborative Law, I am increasingly finding that it provides a better process for my clients. 

When I was first trained in Collaborative Law a number of years ago, I remember thinking, 'This will be a good process for people who want to stay amicable.' I assumed that the majority of matters would still go to Court or be negotiated in the traditional sense, and a small percentage would choose Collaboration. However, as Collaborative Law has grown, particularly in Canberra, I've found that it isn't only suitable to those easy cases where parties want to stay amicable, in fact, it can be a godsend in matters where the parties don't trust each other at all. 

For example, if my client thinks the other side is hiding something, instead of waiting 12 months for a final hearing to get them in the witness box, I can ask the other party direct questions from our very first meeting. Asking a question in a roundtable conference is much more cost effective than exchanging a war of correspondence between solicitors and more likely to lead to truthful responses. 

Not only do the parties commit to the Collaborative process, but the lawyers do too. This means no more aggressive letters sent at 4.59pm demanding a response the following day and no threats of going to Court. Lawyers on opposing sides working together. Who would have thought?!

As Collaborative Law has grown in Canberra, so have the number of lawyers, and different firms who practice it. I am a member of Canberra Collaborative Family Lawyers who have members from 5 different local firms, and we are adding new members all the time. 

Our Firm Farrar Gesini Dunn also has an office in Melbourne, where Collaborative Law has a large number of lawyers who are committed to the process. 

I don't think we will ever be able to leave the Courts behind completely, they are a necessary part of the system. But maybe if the majority of matters are solved via Collaborative Law, this might take some of the pressure off the Court system, so only the matters that really need a Judge to make the decision go to Court.

10 Commandments of Family Law: what not to do

Here is my recent article "10 Commandments of Family Law: what not to do" as published in the October issue of B2B Magazine in Canberra. 

I can’t guarantee that your family law matter will be smooth sailing, but if you follow these 10 Commandments, you will be more likely to achieve the outcome you desire.

1. Thou shalt not take advice from friends

As much as you trust your friends, they are not the ones to rely on for family law advice. You need to get advice from a family law expert and get it early. Once you have the correct information, you will be in a better position to make important decisions about your matter.

2. Thou shalt not go straight to Court

This may sound strange coming from a lawyer, but Court is somewhere I want you to avoid if at all possible. Out of all of the options available to separating couples, Court is frequently the most expensive, time consuming and stressful. The best settlements are the ones that parties reach by agreement. Collaborative Law is one of the options available, and best of all, you control the process. Another option is mediation which is a good alternative if you feel comfortable negotiating directly with your ex and have had legal advice.

3. Thou shalt not be rude to your ex

After a break-up it is very tempting to take out your frustrations on your ex. This is particularly the case if you feel wronged by your ex. Try to keep in mind that your goal in your family law matter is to reach agreement as quickly as possible. The quicker the settlement, the less it costs and the sooner you can move on with your life.

4. Thou shalt not bad-mouth your ex to the children

If you and your ex have children together, your priority must be your children’s best interests, and those are not served by telling your children what a bad person their other parent is. To you, your ex may be the devil reincarnate, but to your child, your ex is part of them. Remember: the Court does not look kindly on parents abusing each other in front of their children. It is simple: do not do it.

5. Thou shalt not post online

Online material is becoming more common in family law disputes. If you are separated, and in particular if you are in Court, you should assume that everything you post online (including photos) will be scrutinised. All communications with or about your ex should be short and polite. Remember: if you cannot post anything nice, do not post anything at all.

6. Thou shalt not lie

This applies to your ex, your lawyer and most importantly the Court. If you are thinking about hiding assets from your ex, think again. Your goal should be a settlement that is final so you can move on with your life. Hide assets from your ex, and even years later the whole deal could be undone. Do you really want to be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life?

7. Thou shalt not sweat the small stuff

Trust me – as much as you love that tea cup, it is not worth the thousands of dollars you will pay your lawyer fighting over it or the stress it will cause. Focus on the bigger picture: if you can reach agreement on the big ticket items such as the house and super, it might be worth letting go of some of the smaller items.

8. Thou shalt not be inflexible

If you approach your matter with an all-or-nothing approach, nothing is just what you might end up with! In property matters, fighting to keep the house could mean you end up selling it to pay the bills. This doesn't mean you simply give up and accept a bad settlement. Instead try to be creative with the options you are willing to consider. There might be some middle ground where you get some of what you want and your ex gets some of what they want.

9. Thou shalt not go it alone

Remember that you are not alone in this process. Support of friends and family can be important to help keep you sane after a separation. You may even want to seek counselling to help you through it. If you don’t know where to turn, ask for help.

10. Thou shalt not fail to formalise

If you fail to formalise your settlement, it is not binding. Once you reach an agreement it is vital that you document it in a legally enforceable form that is recognised by the Court. This is the time to see a family law expert to make sure you are protected. It will be money well spent. 

Raising money for charity

Only a few days left in October and I have reached my fundraising goal for Ocsober.

But every dollar counts, so please visit my page to donate: http://fundraise.ocsober.com.au/kasey_fox

Demonising the Family Court

I've been noticing a trend in the media lately, where decisions of the Family Court are deemed "outrageous" by the public.

As a family law solicitor, I , and certainly my clients, do not always agree with the decisions made in some Family Law cases. In fact, wherever possible I encourage my clients to reach agreement rather than resort to Court. However, reducing a family law matter to a headline, is certainly not helpful. 

Recently, the media reported on the Family Court case involving the Hague Convention. Many of the reports on that case focused only on one side of the story, but ignored many key considerations for the Court, such as the fact that the girls were interviewed by two different experts before the Judge ordered the mother to return them to Italy (their home), the Judge found that the mother had told the father they were simply coming on a holiday to Australia rather than relocating, and most disturbing: that the maternal grandmother in that case had reportedly threatened harm to the girls.

This week, the case in focus relates to property. The headlines read "Man's humiliation at digging up parents' ashes" and "Dust to dust-up: husband ordered to dig up parents' ashes in divorce row". However, if you actually read the judgement (here is a link to the judgement on Austlii) there were a number of factors the Court was required to consider in this case. If you don't want to read the whole case, some of the key paragraphs are explored on this blog of a barrister who practices in Family Law.

The media report that the wife got to keep the property that she "desperately wanted" but in fact, there was a lot more to it. In fact, the reference to the parents ashes is only briefly mentioned. For example, the Court found that:

• the property was purchased by the parties during the relationship
• the parties eventually moved to live at the property in about 2008
• the husband had voluntarily moved out of the property after separation and some 12 months prior to the hearing
• in the husband's initial application to the Court, he did not seek to retain the property 
• his parents ashes were in urns located on the property, not interred (and not needing to be "dug up")
• the wife had remained living on the property with one of the children and continued to run a business from the property which generated a small income (and her only source of support)
• the husband had employment which included a six figure salary and had admitted to spending more than $600,000 in the 2 years since separation
• the wife's "only realistic source of future income" was generated by the business she was operating on the property
• the wife would be unable to buy a similar property in the area

The Court had to consider all of these factors when making a decision and in the end, they weighed the wife's need to retain the property as greater.

Family Law matters can be complicated. If they were easy, we wouldn't need the Family Court to make decisions for parties when they cannot agree. Family Law matters are hard and are upsetting for everyone involved. Using these matters to create headlines does not help anyone, particularly when the media does not report all of the facts.

The truth about lawyers...

I don't know who created this meme, but it is great!

And another reminder of why we are aiming toward the dream of a "paperless office"